It is not a secret that a huge number of marriages end in divorce rather than happily ever after. According to US researchers, the figures for first-marriage divorces is as high as 40 to 50 percent, and for second marriages, even higher, at 60 percent.
There are multiple reasons for this sad state of affairs, based on what divorced individuals say. According to research surveys as many as 73 percent blame a lack of commitment, while 56 percent blame excessive arguments and 55 percent, blame infidelity. Marrying too young and unrealistic expectations also rate high on the list (46 and 45 percent), along with a perceived lack of equality of the two parties in the relationship and a lack of preparing properly for the marriage (44 and 41 percent). Abuse also features, but only as a reason in 29 percent of divorces.
Some of the other reasons include a lack of communication, getting into marriage for the wrong reasons – marrying into money for example – and (closely related) a lack of money. Many divorced people say they got out because they began to lack individuality and simply didn’t have a vision for the future that they were able to share with the person they married. Many get lost in their new roles and quickly lose contact with the single friends they used to have fun with. Some say that they broke the relationship because of unmet expectations, while others report that there was a general inability to resolve disagreements and work through conflict.
So let’s explore the most common reasons for couples to divorce – according to those who have been there, done that!
This is a sad revelation, especially because a lot of the people (62 percent) who blamed a lack of commitment for their divorce said they were sorry their spouses hadn’t done more to try and make the marriage work. A much smaller percentage (35 percent of men and 21 percent of women) said they wished – in retrospect – that they had done more to improve their own commitment.
One thing that is certain, if there is a lack of commitment from either husband or wife, most marriages will be doomed.
It’s okay to argue with other people – including your spouse – provided you appreciate and understand the other person’s perspective. We don’t all have the same views and opinions, even when we are married to someone. But continuous arguing without respect is going to kill a relationship. The research stats prove this!
Interestingly, research indicates that the majority of Americans (around 70 percent) accept divorce as a choice that is morally acceptable. By the same token, it is also clear that infidelity is a common cause of divorce. While there is not much hard and fast research that reveals just how common infidelity is, more than 90 percent of Americans state categorically that they believe infidelity is morally wrong. It is also common cause that when people discover their husband or wife has been having an affair, it is generally hugely traumatic.
Getting Married Too Young
Research indicates that about half of teenage marriage collapse after less than 15 years. When couples marry in their twenties, this stat reduces quite radically, but it is still around 35 percent.
Having said this, clearly the rest of divorced couples were a lot older!
Having Unrealistic Expectations
What can one expect from a partner when one marries? Whether it’s because they don’t share their expectations or because they actually don’t know themselves, the fact that such a large percentage of divorced individuals blame unrealistic expectations is definitely food for thought.
A Lack of Equality
Whether partners are ever “equal” in a marriage is a moot thought. But the fact that so many feel a lack of equality was the primary cause for divorce is disturbing.
There are various reasons that people might feel that they are not “equal” in a marriage, one of which is the perception that too much responsibility is pushed their way. It might also be due to their partner not allowing them to make decisions.
Not Enough Preparation
While this was a reason given by many divorced individuals, it probably links to other reasons. For example if they weren’t “prepared” they didn’t actually know what they were getting into and probably had unrealistic expectations.
Hard as it may be to swallow, if a relationship is abusive, the abused partner really should break it up. Sadly this isn’t always possible. Further, the stats may not be accurate. But one thing is certain, abuse Is a hugely negative factor in any marriage – and it is also an obvious cause of divorce.
Probably the best advice is to spend a bit more time ensuring compatibility prior to tying the knot. And if you are determined to follow the route of divorce, find a divorce attorney who understands.